Meet The Bridal Party

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Name: Benjamin Croker
Position: Best Man
Age: 25 (26 when you actually get married barring some kind of disaster)
Where do you live? Taringa (according to the government), off in the clouds (according to Mum)
Occupation: Electrical Engineer
Tell us about yourself: Can translate Casey speak into English, Henry speak into appropriate and Jenna speak into something sane. Analyses everything. Easily suggestible after a few drinks, please don’t abuse this power.
How did you meet the bride? At Casey’s parents’ place, where she was helping Casey build a bed after his old one mysteriously broke.
How did you meet the groom? In the first grade. I don’t really remember on account of being 6. How long have you known the groom? One score years and a few months (as of the wedding). I was going to change the background colour of the wedding website from #FFF1E8 to #FFF1E9 but thought I might get murdered in my sleep. She seems impatient, but can somehow put up with the groom and his hangers-on (she’s only slapped me over the head like, 5 times).
Describe the groom: I was going to change the background colour of the wedding website from #FFF1E8 to #FFF1E9 but Casey said no, so he’s clearly a very smart boy. He seems patient, which he must be, since he’s marrying Jenna. He’s also sometimes not, as evidenced by his habit of taking people’s lack of understanding as an excuse to repeat his previous statement louder, verbatim and with more frustration.
Describe your fellow groomsmen in one word:
Tom: In 3 words: He’s an engineer (His answer when asked to describe himself for a corporate activity).
Ben: I sometimes blatantly ignore limits if I don’t see a point to them.
David: He’s actually wearing casual dress for this wedding.
Henry: To be arrogant you have to have an inflated sense of selfworth. Henry merely has an accurate understanding of himself.
Tell us your most memorable moment with the groom: The second time Casey was brave enough to let us near Jenna we decided that all positive attributes of a woman were limited. This finite pool of desire was split between physical attractiveness, intelligence and mental stability. I thought it would be a great exercise to make Casey test this theory, so I drew a triangle with these three qualities on the corners (tastefully shortened to ‘hot’, ‘smart’ and ‘not crazy’) and asked him to plot where Jenna was. In the greatest display of verbal gymnastics known to man, Casey declared that Jenna is not a triangle, but a pyramid, where all three corners meet to make someone wonderful. I’m still waiting for Casey to get me back on this.

Henry

Name: Henry Wagner
Position: Groomsman
Age: 25
Where do you live? New Farm, Brisbane
Occupation: Digital Marketing
Tell us about yourself: The German philosopher Fredrich Nietzsche once stated that “We should consider every day lost on which we have not danced at least once.” It is with the utmost pride and satisfaction that I have lost all but five of my days.
How did you meet the bride? In a bar, wrapped around a Casey.
How did you meet the groom? In a science lab. His first words to me were, “I’ve milked a cow.”
How long have you known the groom? Einstein would say time is relative. I would say it’s been relatively long.
Describe the bride: Off limits.
Describe the groom: Over the limit.
Describe your fellow groomsmen in one word:
Tom: Pithy (It means brief and simultaneously expressive).
Ben: Perspicacious (It means having a keen perceptive mind and deep understanding of things).
David: Prosperous (It means having good fortune).
Henry: Patronising (This means I’m fond of saying things in a way that implies your inferiority. Like when I have to give definitions of words. Try to keep up, dear).
Tell us your most memorable moment with the groom: When he told a delightful young lady I was talking to at the Regatta that she could do better. Fortunately dawn was nigh, the music was obfuscatingly loud, and while the lady in question was fluent in English, she was no more familiar with the inebriated dialect than the engineering vocabulary with which my laudable compatriot was choosing to express his objectionary prose. Never-the-less the cadences of his unique oratory left no doubt in the fair maiden’s mind as to the abhorrence in which our groom beheld our association, and she left in tears. It was definitely memorable.

Tom

Name: Thomas Riesz
Position:Groomsman
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Where do you live? At home.
Occupation: Engineer
Tell us about yourself: I’m an engineer.
How did you meet the bride? Casey introduced her.
How did you meet the groom? I can narrow it down to some time between the ages of 7 and 25.
How long have you known the groom? See above.
Describe the bride: Everything’s pink.
Describe the groom: He’s an engineer.
Describe your fellow groomsmen in one word:
Ben: A bald engineer.
Henry: Not an engineer.
David: ?
Tell us your most memorable moment with the groom: The last time I saw him.

David

Name: David Tisdall
Position: Groomsman and Master of Ceremonies
Age: 25
Where do you live? The Qantas Club
Occupation: Vagrant
Tell us about yourself: “Where is the gin?”
How did you meet the bride? At The Zoo [a bar, not place with animals] when she was blonde. It was very confusing when she reappeared as a brunette a week later and having forgotten her name and knowing Casey’s propensity to enjoy the company of women with various follicle pigmentation, I was unsure if this was the same girl.
How did you meet the groom? A long time ago in a suburb that we mostly still live in.
How long have you known the groom? As long as one ages a fine scotch.
Describe the bride: Allergic to low cost carriers.
Describe the groom: One jug of beer: talkative
Two jugs of beer: assertive
Three jugs of beer: argumentative
Describe your fellow groomsmen in one word:
Tom: Pliable
Ben: Practical
Henry: Principled
Tell us your most memorable moment with the groom: Me: “Did you ever get lonely in Canada?” Casey: “David, it’s called beer, you use it to make friends.”

Name: Jacklyn Elliott
Position: Maid of Honour
Age: 27
Where do you live? Toronto, Canada
Occupation: Public Relations Specialist
Tell us about yourself: I’m a big fan of good wine, great food and irreplaceable friends. I’m also terrible at answering questions like this.
How did you meet the bride? Jenna and I first met in ninth grade during our school’s annual “Malaysian Studies Field Trip,” which really should have been called the “Let’s Stick a Bunch of High School Kids in a Jungle for Three Days and See What Happens Trip”. Upon arriving at our accommodations for the night, we found that a grave miscalculation had been made, with fewer beds available than the number of girls in our dorm. While some of the girls found a solution in simply staying in the boys dorm that night, Jenna and Jess decided to take a chance on the new girl and invited me to bunk with them. By the end of the trip we’d become inseparable.
How long have you known the bride? It’s hard to believe I’ve known Jenna for 13 years now!
How did you meet the groom? I first met Casey in bed. He rolled over, took one look at me and said, “Jenna why is there a phone in my face?”
Describe the bride: Jenna is passionate. She embraces the things she loves and powers through the things she doesn’t. She is fiercely loyal to her friends, is probably the most detailed planner I know and has an amazing confidence that can’t be beat.
Describe the groom: To be honest I don’t really know Casey yet but I’m really looking forward to meeting him. I imagine he’s a very patient, rational individual. Who really likes bikes.
Describe your fellow bridesmaids in one word:
Emily: Creative
Bec: Confident
Jess: Grounded
Tell us your most memorable moment with the bride: Walking through the streets of Rouen with our matching fuzzy scarfs, arms linked while humming the tune to “Girl All The Bad Guys Want.”

Emily

Name: Emily Cecil
Position: Bridesmaid
Age: 26 years 5 months 26 days (according to today October 14th 2014)
Where do you live? London, England
Occupation: Production Coordinator for Film Distribution
Tell us about yourself: I can’t eat dairy, I am exceptionally lactose intolerant. So yes, no milk, no lattés, no butter, no scones, no cake, no tea, no crisps (chips perhaps to some of you) because yes they have lactose as an ingredient! Basically as a Brit afternoon tea sucks for me. I’m also very busy with film festivals, famous people (lol) and somewhat forgetful as I am the last one to fill this questionnaire out. Sorry Jen.
How did you meet the bride? I can’t remember the first time I met Jenna. She was the girly girl in the year above. And she scared me. I had been having a tough time with the girls in my year (in case you didn’t know teenage girls are mean) but Jenna and everyone else were there for me, sometimes without knowing it. We became fast and firm friends for life. With her friendship came my friendships with Jackie, Jess, and Bec, for that I am eternally grateful. And I learned Jenna isn’t that scary, really.
How long have you known the bride? Since 7th grade maybe 8th grade..?
How did you meet the groom? Via Skype. He waved. I squealed, “You’re REAL?!” As if he was a cardboard cut out that Jenna made up.
How long have you known the groom? Well, I heard about him in New York, and have yet to meet the real person – holding out for a really good cardboard cut out.
Describe the bride: Loyal. Wonderfully loyal. And sometimes speaks more sense than she knows, and should listen to her own advice, and sometimes speaks no sense at all (drunk).
Describe the groom: I gather he is tall, oh and likes bikes.
Describe your fellow bridesmaids in one word:
Jackie: Honourable
Bec: Confident
Jess: Welcoming
Tell us your most memorable moment with the bride: This is hard for me because Jenna is more than one moment to me. So I’m going to list some as they pop into my head: Synchronised swimming wearing sexy nose plugs; Knitting and watching MASH; Eating (a lot of) Baileys and ice cream; Decorating her toilet with coloured stones; Jenna being so intoxicated Jackie and I needed to undress and remove her makeup; Jenna’s early morning very sober replys to my late night drunk texts – ah the UK/AUS time difference; Eating too many honey sticks from Coffee Bean; And the way she always fixes your necklace, moving the latch round to the back when it’s fallen round to the front of your necklace. Whenever I see someone’s necklace that has slipped round it makes me think of her.

Bec

Name: Rebecca Stapleton
Position: Bridesmaid
Age: 28
Where do you live? Brisbane
Occupation: Market Analyst – Business Development
Tell us about yourself: I love travel, good food, good wine and great company. I strongly dislike seafood and I think Tim Tams are a waste of calories. I still drink mochas instead of “real coffee” because I haven’t entirely grown up yet (and they are delicious). And, I walk into things a lot, it is commonly referred to as “Stapletoning”.
How did you meet the bride? I was a new student, and being a fellow Australian female Jenna was assigned to show me around. She asked me what I liked to do for fun and when I said “play basketball” she responded with “Oooh sports, okay. You can be friends with Emily Don. Talk to you later.” Thanks Jen 😉
How long have you known the bride? Since 1999.
How did you meet the groom? At the work Christmas party when he was a vacation student.
Describe the bride: Big-hearted, organised, creative, fast-talking, outgoing girly-girl who is also a fantastic cook, actress, designer, and part-time beautician for all her friends.
Describe the groom: Tall bike nerd who makes an awesome breakfast smush, pours a great cocktail and knows when to nod-and-smile when Jenna and I talk at him about topics I am sure he is not interested in.
Describe your fellow bridesmaids:
Jackie: Canadian, driven, elegant, not a morning person
Emily: British, sociable, proper, all-things-theatre
Jess: Californian, bubbly, creative, organised
Tell us your most memorable moment with the bride: When we were on our high-school senior Malaysian Studies trip, Jenna stepped on a barb and I got rocks stuck in my feet (see earlier: Stapletoning) so we ended up going to the local Borneo “hospital”. I held her hand and distracted her while she got a Tetanus shot that it turned out she didn’t need (thanks for answering your phones mothers) and when I grabbed the scalpel off the doctor to get the rock out of my foot myself because I thought I could do a better job, she just said, “Let her do it” and held him back for me. I’m sure if his English was better she would have finished the sentence with “Trust me, it will be easier than arguing with her”.

Jess

Name: Jessica Sofranko
Position: Bridesmaid and Photographer
Age: 27
Where do you live? San Luis Obispo, California, USA
Occupation: Wedding Photographer
Tell us about yourself: I met Jenna on my first day of sixth grade as a new student. We discovered we had a lot of common interests and bonded quickly. I’m a wedding photographer living on the central coast [of California] and I spend too much time with my French bulldog. My husband, Andy, and I play softball, enjoy local wineries and love hosting game nights. Jenna was a “Lady in Waiting” at my wedding and I couldn’t be happier to be Jenna’s “Bridesmaid/photographer!”
How did you meet the bride? First day of 6th grade in Ms. Lehar’s class.
How long have you known the bride? 16+ years
How did you meet the groom? Haven’t yet unless small video chat cameos count 😉
Describe the bride: Instantly builds lasting relationships, hardworking, silly, compassionate.
Describe the groom: Shares Jenna’s sense of humour.
Describe your fellow bridesmaids: This is hard! I want to describe them all as the same…Passionate, dedicated, TCK (third culture kids/expat kids) #weareourfathers #eldestchildren
Tell us your most memorable moment with the bride: About to make it!